Airport Security Part 2

Do we really need to ban the word “bomb”, or joking about a bomb while at the security checkpoint? Does this sort of behavior pose a risk? Do we really think that actual terrorists are going to be talking or joking about bombs while in line?
Terrorist 1: (in line at security checkpoint) Hey, Terrorist 2, do you have all of the bombs, or are some of them with Terrorist 3?
Terrorist 2: I have some of them, but the battery on my detonator is running low, do you have any spare batteries?”
Terrorist 1: Running low? What do you mean? We haven’t detonated anything yet.
Terrorist 2: I know, but I am using the batteries from my portable DVD player. I was watching the entire “Lord of the Rings” trilogy last night. Those movies are so long, the picture was starting to fade when Viggo Mortenson was riding…..
Terrorist 1: Are you shitting me, dude? I don’t want to hear it. This is Al Queda. We are a multi-million dollar, multinational organization with affiliates in 178 countries and a projected growth target of 30% a year. Man, you were at the team-building retreat we had in July, you saw the power point presentation. In 3 years we’ll be bigger than Google. Sure, our IPO is having trouble getting off the ground with the legal issues and all, but do you think we got to where we are because Osama forgot to carry spare batteries, man.
Terrorist 3: Hey, I have some spare batteries.
Terrorist 1: Who are you?
Terrorist 3: I’m Terrorist 3. I assume you guys are the other two terrorists?
Terrorist 1: Yes, Yes. Hello. It is nice to meet you my brother. Yes. We are the other terrorists.
Terrorist 3: Thank goodness. I’m so glad I overheard you guys talking. I got the message from the leader of our cell but I think he was in the subway or something because his message was breaking up. He said “United….fl…3” and I checked and there was no United flight 3, so I then assumed there was a 3 in the flight number and the rest of the number was cut off, and lo and behold, there is flight 23, 73, 453, and 903. So I just booked a ticket for those 4 United flights.
Terrorist 2: You booked for 4 flights??
Terrorist 3: Yes, but I will only fly on one of the flights.
Terrorist 1: Are you kidding me? You have tickets to fly on 4 United flights?
Terrorist 3: Yes, I had so many miles accumulated, so it didn’t cost a thing. One of them is even upgraded to first class. I hope that’s the one I get to blow up. The seats in first class are much better for my lower back.
Terrorist 1: Am I talking to a wall? Do you realize what you’ve done? United has these things called computers, and when they see your name on 4 flights, they are going to raise a red flag and come after you, and then our whole operation will be cancelled.
Terrorist 3: No, don’t worry, they are too busy throwing out water bottles to pay attention to those details.
Terrorist 1: That’s not the point. What if somebody is paying attention? I can’t believe this, I am working with total imbeciles. Terrorist 2 forgets batteries, Terrorist 3 books 4 flights. This is stuff we learned in Terrorism 101, guys. (Shouting) Excuse me, Ladies and Gentlemen. I am sorry to bother you. I need 2 responsible and reliable individuals to join Al Queda and go to work effective today. I know it is a lot to ask, but Al Queda is one of Forbes “10 IPOs to watch”. We offer fabulous health insurance and stock options, and for those of you who join today, immediate access to life insurance benefits for your spouse or dependents.
TSA Agent: (Approaching) Excuse me, did I just hear you guys talking about blowing a plane up?
Terrorist 1: Well, sir. No, we were not talking about that.
TSA Agent: You sure you didn’t say the word “Bomb” at all?
Terrorist 1: No sir, we were talking about the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, and comparing it to other trilogies such as Matrix, Indiana Jones, Mission Impossible and Star Wars.
TSA Agent: OK, well as long as you don’t say the word bomb.
Terrorist 1: No, sir, we won’t say it.
TSA Agent: OK then. (walks away).
Terrorist 2: That was a close call.
Terrorist 3: I know, oh, shhh, be quiet, he’s coming back.
TSA Agent: (Returns). Did I hear you say you were comparing trilogies?
Terrorist 1: Yes, sir.
TSA Agent: Ok, I’m going to need the 3 of you to come with me.
Terrorist 2: But why, sir?
TSA Agent: For lying to me. You said you were talking about trilogies, then you named Star Wars as a trilogy. Every red blooded American knows that there were 6 Star Wars movies, not 3, therefore, it is not a trilogy.
Terrorist 1: Yes, but we don’t know the word for when there is 6 of a movie.
TSA Agent: Hexology, sexology, it ain’t trilogy.
Terrorist 3: OK, but there were two totally different casts for the Star Wars movies, so it is like 2 trilogies. We were only talking about the Star Wars movies with one particular cast.
TSA Agent: You’re coming with me. You missed one Trilogy by the way. Die Hard. That’s the one where the smart cop catches the terrorists. He does things like take them into separate rooms and grills them with questions, such as, “which cast of Star Wars were you guys talking about?” Let’s go, guys.