What would happen if I went fishing with one of these politicians?

John McCain- Would tell me how he's gonna catch the big fish, but when he realizes the big fish has alot more friends than he does, he swims off with this fish and becomes a fish himself. He then resurfaces from the water 8 years later with a gills, scales and fins to tell me he's not a fish after all.


Barack Obama- Would talk the big fish into coming to the edge of the water, convince it to feel guilty for being such a big fish, and then persuade the big fish to be selfless and sacrifice itself for our benefit.

Joe Biden- Would continually tell me that he's a scrappy kid from some small island and the most experienced fisher. One minute later he tells me that he is no longer the most experienced fisher, but that I am, and he asks me to catch the fish for him.


Sarah Palin- Would hit the fish dead center with rounds from her AK-47 as she delivers a beautiful baby boy.

Hillary Clinton- Would have the big fish hooked and be reeling it in until Bill comes stumbling down the beach, tripping over and snapping the line.

Rudy Guiliani- would dress up as a fish of the opposite sex, marry the big fish, drag it out of the water, and then start looking for another fish.

Ron Paul- would protest fishing, saying there is no constitutional basis for having to obtain a fishing license. His supporters watch the events unfold online.

Al Gore- would balk at the thought of touching my petroleum based plastic fishing rod, fly out on his private jet and return with a sustainable bamboo rod from Indonesia.

2008 General Election

This race is like a movie at this point, you have such great characters: The old ranting POW war veteran whose entire body was injured and he swivels like a puppet, the young charismatic and inspirational mixed race candidate who came out of nowhere to topple the establishment, the cute miss apple pie who stands up to the big boys with a gun and has been a commercial fisherwoman, and a guy from Scranton who won't shut up. It's better than reality TV, and even the supporting cast is phenomenal: The pregnant daughter with the redneck hockeyplayer boyfriend, the corrupt Chicago political machine, Oprah, the Snowmobile racer husband, Bill Clinton. I hope they come out with a DVD. When both sides come down from their respective orgasms after the election, the half of the electorate that feels shut out can take solace in knowing that they helped produce America's most valuable export: Entertainment.

McCain Smear Story

The NY Times endorses McCain in Feb before the Florida primary and just now releases their hit piece they've been crafting for a few months. The basic premise is this: he has built his reputation on being against corporate lobbying. There is speculation/rumors, that he may have had some sort of relationship with a younger female lobbyist who benefitted from some legislation. Where is the damage? if this is true, it's one more politician who gives kick backs to lobbyists. Big deal. All of the major candidates do it. If the NYT is trying to claim it's a bad thing because it's a sex for legislation deal, how is that any different than trading money, donations or trips for legislation. Lobbying is still legal bribery whether from Unions or Corporations. If it is not true, because it is based on speculation and rumor, then the NYT is barely a notch above the National Enquirer. The damage in that case, is to the democrats, because if Republicans were looking for a reason to rally around McCain, pissing off the NY Times is reason enough.